This text doesn't meet academic standarts. I can't even tell what it is supposed to be - an essay, or a research paper, or a report, it looks more like a draft of ideas, it's not coherent. These ideas could possibly be topic sentences that could be developed into individual paragraphs - introduction, body paragraphs and the last sentnce could be the topic sentence of a conslusion. All of these statements, if they are true need to be backed up by evidence, if we correct it with these suggestions we might get an essay that meets academic standards.
All right, true. Can you now imagine it is a badly written paragraph and rewrite it up to academic standards.